7 reasons my cardboard cutout has it better off than me at the baseball game….

Joseph Adago
2 min readSep 16, 2020
Photo by Josh Appel on Unsplash

As a sports fan I have been conditioned from a young age to send my favorite team money through overpriced swag, tickets and later a bloated cable bill. So of course I jumped at the opportunity to send The New York Mets $86 so a cardboard cutout of myself can sit in the stadium…But lately I am beginning to suspect that my cardboard cutout has it a lot better than me.

I do not know how my cardboard cutout is getting to the game but he has yet to pay $15 for parking.

My cardboard cutout does not drink so no $9 beers.

Apparently, my cardboard cutout is on a diet so no $9 hot dogs or $10 ice cream.

My cardboard cutout does not cry when The Mets reliever blows another game. In fact, he is remarkably chipper about the fact that is has been 36 freaking years and counting since they last won the World Series.

The New York Mets assure me that the $86 bucks for the cardboard cutout is going to charity. This is far better than where the money for my Mets seats typically goes. Usually the money I spend on tickets is divvied up between a millionaire slugger so he can buy another sports car and a billionaire team owner so he can buy another private island.

My cardboard cutout attends games solo. Last year, I attended a game with my wife and 2-year-old son. And the complaining about the heat and the length of the game got a little annoying. Of course, I am referring to my wife…my son seemed to have a grand time.

Since no living creatures are allowed in the stands this year I assume, there will be no “take your dog to the baseball game day,” which means my cardboard cutout will not get peed on by some random dog while watching his favorite team blow a 3 run lead in the ninth.



Joseph Adago

When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV....