Folgers in your cup

I have always been a coffee snob. I drink organic, fair trade, coffee handpicked by unionized members of a Matriarchal tribe located in a Brazilian rain forest. The beans are then shipped via a solar-powered plane to Brooklyn where they are hand-roasted by unionized members of a Matriarchal hipster tribe located in Bushwick. This Brooklyn tribe is much like the native tribe, the main differences are the members of the Bushwick tribe generally have more tattoos and piercings and that their rich parents contribute to there obscenely high rent payments.
My weekly ritual consisted of me driving my Tesla to the Bushwick roasting collective which is nestled between 2 new luxury buildings to pick up several bags of coffee.
Well there has been a run on many items. And in the case of the Bushwick roasting collective the members have run back to their parent’s mansions spread out throughout America. This and unemployment have put my $50 a bag of coffee out of reach. For the last several weeks it has been Folgers in my cup. And you know what? Tell the truth and shame the devil … I like Folgers better !!